Now on DVD

Kingsman such a missed opportunity

lars logoNOPE – At this point, I should no longer be shocked when I am watching a movie that has so much going for it, yet still insists on mining such sophomoric, low brow, sleazy content.

Kingsman: The Secret Service is well made, has a stellar cast, and an above average James Bond style premise.

It did relatively well at the box office.

It should have done considerably better. It would have done considerably better if they had opted for the “puritanical” PG-13 rating, which could easily have been accomplished by simply cleaning up the language.

kingsmanThis should have been a must-see popcorn picture for fathers and sons.

There was no nudity and the violence was comic book glossy enough to avoid being too graphic. The action fast-moving and super slick. The overall themes solid and virtuous.

But once again, the adults left the room when the script was finalized – and the studio was complicit.

The amount of unnecessary “Ef” bombs make the dialogue tedious and lazy. I sometimes wonder if Samuel L. Jackson gets paid by the profanity.

When he gets foiled “What? It’s not working. It’s supposed to be working. What the f*&@!”

And then there was this gem… women and children please leave the room. 

At a pivotal climactic action point in the third act, right after the ultra cliché “tell my mother I love her” moment, the film’s hero (the adolescent Taron Egerton) goes to the damsel in distress, a kidnapped Nordic princess (the mature Hanna Alstrom), and vows to save the world. She responds with a wink, “If you save the world, we can do it in the asshole.”

Check please!

Very clever writing. Move over Paddy Chayefsky.

So glad I wasn’t sitting in the theatre with my sons when that pearl exploded from the surround sound.

Later, after he has saved the world in Bond-esque fashion, he returns to the Nordic Princess Tilde, champagne bucket in hand, and she playfully rolls over and presents her backside to him.

Brilliant! Give director Matthew Vaughn and his team of “writers” the Oscar for their crafty word play and subtle imagery.

Who needs “boy meets girl” when you can go for the cheap gutter gag.

A shame, too, because the young actress cast opposite Egerton as another Kingsman recruit, Sophie Cookson, is gorgeous and very appealing. But, probably a prude when it comes to… you know.

Don’t even get me started on the ridiculous mass mayhem slaughter that takes place in a southern church. Oh, trust me, they had it coming, those haters!!!

Drivel.

I wonder what Colin Firth and Michael Caine thought when they read this script. Or maybe they just skimmed it and only read their parts.

When I think of those two actors I immediately think “class.”

At the end of the film we are greeted with the always self-indulgent credit: “A Matthew Vaughn Film”

Followed by this: “In loving memory of my mother Kathy, who always put the extra into extraordinary and taught me what a Kingsman should be.”

My takeaway from this film is that a Kingsman is motivated by anal sex with older women.

Vaughn has talent. I really liked his 2004 crime thriller, Layer Cake.

But he’s not a kid at age 43. I wish guys like Vaughn and Judd Apatow, 47, would grow up and realize their audience is smarter (yet younger, thus more impressionable!) than they give credit.

But then, I consistently wish my industry would grow up and have more class.

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